A very large part of my job involves walking through doors. I work on a large campus, so there are many doors to walk through, and since a lot of other people work there, they walk through those doors too. So given that both I and a lot of other people frequent these doors, it's inevitable that eventually, one of us will end up holding a door for the other.
And it's often going to be me, because, gosh, I'm just such a nice guy.
But something really odd caught my attention yesterday. I can very clearly be standing back, away from the doorway, holding the door way back, and a lot of people will go out of their way to touch the door ever so briefly, going so far as to lean way the heck over to the point of endangering their equilibrium just so they can reach the fracking thing.
After the sixth or so time this happened, I could only look to the Heavens and cry out, why? Why would people inconvenience themselves so much in order to touch a door that I'm obviously holding for the purpose of them not having to do that?
This question, in spite of its relative unimportance to my daily life, burned like a thousand value meals at Taco Bell. So I posed the question in a Facebook status update. And the responses came pouring in. Some were thoughtful, others silly, and some yet unapologetically derp. But I wanted to take some time to address each of the possibilities in the interest of getting to the bottom of this. Possibilities like...
1. It's Just A Habit
I can understand this. We do things out of habit all the time even when it wouldn't normally make sense. For example, it's pretty stupid to try and catch a falling bunch of knives unless you're Wolverine. Yet if you saw one fall out of the corner of your eye, it'd be a pretty understandable reflex to try to catch it, regardless of the sudden freedom that action would probably owe to the blood in your wrists.
And on the less deadly end of the spectrum, what about all those times you reach for something that is always in a certain place, only to find it isn't? Your phone is always on the right side of the desk next to your shrunken head collection -- why would you even look? So this kind of makes sense.
Except that someone holding the door is neither an event that takes most people by surprise, nor is it something that can happen without a person noticing. No, it did not just fly open in your face and you can't perform telekinesis. It's got to be something else. Something like...
2. They Don't Trust The Laws Of Physics
Let's face it. Of all the laws in the universe that we understand, we understand the laws of physics probably the least. Especially gravity. What in the world is it about something as big as a planet that makes it pull things into itself? And if it's such a strong force, why is it so easy to break? Ever tried pulling magnets apart? It's easy.
Gravity is such a tease.
So maybe all those people have the same deep-seated mistrust of physics that I do. Maybe they suspect that if they don't reach out a hand and give that door a tap, physics might fail outright and the door will go right through my hand, beginning a deadly trajectory toward the back of their head. Sure, it sounds silly, probably even to them. But they know that the one time they choose not to put out that safety hand, the door's got their number. Better safe than sorry.
Of course, if that happened, if physics failed, what would make their hand any more solid than mine? Actually, what would make them any more solid? The door could just swing harmlessly through them -- or, physics could kick back in just as it's beginning to close and it could rematerialize in the middle of their torso. So really, the logical reaction here would be to get the hell out of the way.
So that can't be it either. Maybe the answer is less science-fictiony. Something such as...
3. They Know I'm Just Looking For A Reason To Slam The Door In Their Face
Now that's just mean.
So let's move on to...
4. They Just Want To Help
Let's assume for a moment that people are basically good. I know, based on previous posts, that's a leap in logic. But hear me out. They approach the door, all ready to put their arm muscles to use and heave that door wide open, but then they see me lil' ol' me grab it and hold it back for them, freely giving of myself so that they don't have to waste their valuable energy on a simple door. So they feel for me. They honestly appreciate what I'm doing, but they desire so badly to give back that they feel like they need to contribute.
So they reach out in passing and give the door one. Little. Tap. To signal that they appreciate my efforts, and though they are perfectly capable of opening that door on their own, they accept my help. It's really just a sweet gesture of appreciation.
On the other hand, if I keep writing on this possibility, I may end up giving myself and everyone reading diabetes. Really, what are the odds that that many people are so selfless and saccharine-sweet? Some of you are. But that's not going to be a conscious reason for everyone.
In any case, each of the above are seemingly valid reasons, ranging from habit to paranoia to appreciation. But there's something else. Something deeper. Something that can only be explained by understanding that...
5. I Live In An Egalitarian Society
Equality is a huge deal these days. Everyone gets treated equally, in both the good and bad ways. No one person is intrinsically better or worse than anyone else. A beggar has the same rights as someone who gained riches playing the stock market. And really, I agree with this sentiment.
But sometimes it does extend to something as silly as holding a door. I guess the thinking may go in this case that if I have the ability to open the door, so do they. And that's what that little tap means. It's that person saying, "Well thank you, but I'll have you know that I'm perfectly capable of opening that door on my own. So, just to prove it--" TAP.
It's not just women, either, if that's what you're thinking. Guys do it too. People, yes, it's true. We were all created equal, we all have the same rights, and we all have the capability to open a freaking door. But you know what? Don't take it as an insult if someone chooses to do something for you that you're able to do on your own, because maybe they're just trying to be nice.
I'm not saying that this is really the reason for all or even most. But to you egalitarians out there: I'm with you. I really am. But I am still going to hold the door for you, and you've just got to get used to it.
But on second thought, go ahead and keep reaching for that door on the off-chance that reason #3 ends up being the case.
No comments:
Post a Comment